Focus

I thought I would dedicate a post to being focused...because I am more focused than ever on my career. I know what the next logical step in my career is and I am positioning myself to make the transition. I know that there will be obstacles in my way but they mean nothing to me. I am used to overcoming the odds and setting myself apart from the competition. I will be the next Associate Director of Development Events...I believe it! You should too.

It's my birthday

Happy Birthday to me!....I would type more but today is all about me.

I love me. Goodbye me.

The Clouds Are Gone

So I have come to realize that I don't like drama.  I don't like to be misunderstood or to be at odds with anyone especially someone that I care about...but I am totally stubborn and unyielding sometimes.  These two things are contradictions of one another but I can't help it....gosh darn it.

All and in, I am very happy.  I have a new lease on life and lot of great people surrounding me.

Life is great!!! No need to stress.

When it rains, it pours

Ok so it took me a while to truly get what that statement means...When it rains, it pours.  I think I want to change it to when it rains, you might get wet but you will dry off.

Situation this weekend showed me just how imperfect we all are.  But more importantly it showed me that sometimes people surprise you and say hurtful things.  So it definitely did rain on my parade, but i will dry off and learn to let it go.

In letting go sometimes you have the let the people go too.  Such is life.  So bye bye to the feeling that I had on Saturday night, you will not be felt again and the rain will subside and I will be ok, better yet, I will be great!

Giving myself a great big old hug....mmmmmmmmmmm.

Long time

Ok so I obviously fell off of the blogging circuit seriously...but I need to write and therefore I am back.

Sometimes life lessons and hurt and confusion can yield fantastic results. Out of a rough day came beautiful writing from the heart. So I share this with the zero people who know that I even blog in the first place...because of the obscurity of this blog, I feel the freedom to say whatever it is that I feel and I vow to do that every day...music, love, and writing are my drugs of choice.

My writing for today:

To have your heart torn apart
Irreversible impact but the damage will not last
Promises of giving you a new start
Because my future is not a product of my past


Listening to:

Erykah Badu - Certainly
...loving the lines
"who told you, that it was alright to love , certainly, certainly not me, I was not looking for no love affair..."
"that's alright you tried to get a little tricky, turned my back and then you slipped me a mickey"

Mary J. Blige - We Ride
...loving the lines
"from the day to night, we ride, we ride, we ride, I see the future baby, you and I better in time"
"And it is what it is, and I just can't help it, and I felt what I felt, and you know I just can't help it"

2008

Ok so 2008 has been a very interesting year and I am so ready for it to be over. The problem is nothing in 2009 will be different if nothing about me changes as I start the new year.

So back to the basics. I am back to the things that I know I need to do in order to go to the next level. I am focused on my career, my health, and my family. Mistakes are ok to make, a bigger mistake would be to not learn from them...I am learning and will continue to learn.

I just thank God that he continues to work with me as I screw stuff up, cause there is something better in store for me and we both see it.

Bye bye 2008. The future is ahead of me and this journey will be long and hard but I can do it.

Argh!!!

Today is a sucky day. I don't even know what to type. For me to be at a loss for words, is pretty significant. So I will just type whatever comes to mind.



I am on a fast rollercoaster ride getting ready to go upside down...problem is, I don't have on a seatbelt...meaning certain death is imminent. LMAO Ok so it isn't that serious but I am certainly not protecting myself, I am just going with the motions and that has never been who I am. What the hell has come over me?



On one road there is the life that I thought I wanted for years. It has bumps and speedtraps throughout but I can see them. I know they can't be avoided but at the end of the road is some happiness...not the happiness I always dreamed of but a happiness I can deal with.



On another road, I can't see shyt. I am not even certain that it is a "through street"...it is quite possible that it is a dead end. But it also could be a street that leads to the greatest love I could ever feel for someone not related to me. Or I could get a huge road block or a detour and be right back where I started.



My dilemna is I am walking down both of those roads. Don't know why but I am heading straight for either semi-happiness, or the greatest life I could have ever imagined, or something that will never be.



ARGH!!!!



Truth is, I don't know. I don't know if I will ever know what I am doing. All I know is that making decisions sucks. But not making a decision also sucks. Telling someone you don't want to be with them sucks. Having someone tell you that they are not interested in being with you for whatever reason also sucks. Holding your tongue sucks. Letting go of one of the best things you have ever felt sucks. Remembering all the memories you made in such a short time sucks. Holding onto memories that you want to forget sucks. I know I will come out of this ok, because I always do. I am a survivor and this I know! But damn, this sucks.